


caring for you

by Mizune



Category: Free!
Genre: Cutting (without depiction), Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Other, Platonic Relationships, Scars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-13 12:17:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4521636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mizune/pseuds/Mizune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something feels different about Nagisa in the water. Haru notices, and finds out the reason why.</p>
            </blockquote>





	caring for you

**Author's Note:**

> terribly self-indulgent platonic nagiharu because there's just not enough of it.  
> please mind the tags before reading.

_Something’s wrong. Nagisa feels different in the water._

The thought struck Haru the moment he felt Nagisa’s presence enter the pool. It wasn’t enough to make him stop in the middle of his lap. It happened sometimes. Haru could acutely sense the small changes in his friends’ condition. Perhaps it was fatigue from staying up later than usual, trying his best at studying. Ever since the running away incident, Nagisa was intent on keeping his promise with his parents so that he could stay on the team. Nonetheless, Haru stored away the remark in his mind. They’re a team: they look out for each other.

All throughout practice, Haru kept a watchful eye over Nagisa. Out of the water, he was his usual bubbly self as far as Haru could tell, his laughter echoing over the pool. In the water, there was always that momentary prick when he dove in. It bothered him.

“Something wrong, Haru?” Makoto asked, pulling him out of the pool. He always waited for him to finish his few extra laps after practice was officially over. “You seemed distracted during practice today.”

“Nagisa. He felt different in the water today,” he replied. There was no reason not to tell Makoto. If he noticed something was off with Haru, he’d notice if something was off with Nagisa.

Makoto pondered over it for a few seconds, raising his eyebrows. “Hmm, I didn’t notice anything. He seemed to be just fine... Maybe he didn’t get enough sleep last night.” There was no trace of doubt in his voice over Haru’s observation itself. “See if it’s the same tomorrow?”

Haru nodded in agreement. They walked towards the changing room side by side.

* * *

The next day, Haru made sure to observe Nagisa outside the pool as well, in hopes of catching even the tiniest clue. He was none the wiser at lunch: Nagisa devoured his Iwatobikkuri Bread in minutes, then chattered through the remainder of the break. Like always.

In the afternoon, the boys reached the changing room at the same time. Keeping up the habit of wearing his jammers beneath his uniform, Haru was the first to get ready. As he turned to head towards the pool before the others, his eyes stopped on Nagisa. The boy was already in his jammers, too.

“That was fast,” Haru commented. Unusually so. Most of the time, Nagisa was last.

Nagisa was taken by surprise, eyes growing wide like a deer caught in the headlights for a split second. “Oh, hahaha, looks like it!” He scratched the back of his head with a nervous laugh.

“How come?” Haru asked. He didn’t remember if Nagisa was also so quick yesterday. The chance seems meagre, but it might have something to do with what’s bothering him.

“Oh, um, I wore my swimsuit under my uniform today,” Nagisa answered with a hint of hesitance in his tone.

“Why?” He posed yet another question. He might be breaking some kind of personal record here.

“I, uhh, thought I’d give it a try! Since Haru-chan does it, too. Maybe it’ll help improve my times if I become one with my jammers, and not just the water!” Nagisa explained, teetering back and forth on his heels, his mouth stretching into a huge grin.

Well, Haru couldn’t really argue with that. It’s about time someone followed his example, actually.

“Okay. But it’s not becoming one with the water, it’s mutually accepting each other,” he corrected, and Nagisa nodded in understanding. He started heading toward the pool, Nagisa following behind him.

After he dove in, Haru still felt that something was wrong with Nagisa in the water, though he could barely pick up on it anymore. It was but a small relief that whatever is ailing him seems to be healing fast.

Haru had forgotten what Nagisa’s crying face looks like, the fat teardrops streaming down his face, the pain written in his eyes about being replaced.  
He didn’t want to be reminded.

At any rate, he has to try something else if he wants to get to the bottom of this. He already has an idea. Good thing the weekend’s right around the corner.

“So?” Makoto asked at the end of practice, crouching down at Haru’s lane once he saw Nagisa and Rei take off towards the changing room, just as Haru had finished a lap and was taking a little breather.

“Something’s still not right,” Haru answered, frowning.

“Should I try talking to him?” Makoto offered.

“No, I can do it myself,” he declined, the determination clear in his voice. “I’ll invite him over for tonight.”

Haru stuck his hand out toward Makoto. Taking the hint, he chuckled and pulled him out of the pool.

“Call me in case you need help though, okay?” Makoto added, gently squeezing Haru’s hand still in his.

“Okay.” Haru stood onto his tiptoes and pressed a kiss to Makoto’s lips. He knew he’s making him worry, so this was his way of reassuring him that it’ll be alright. Haru was never good at expressing himself through words; he’s glad he can express himself to Makoto like this now instead.

* * *

Nagisa stepped into the changing area just as Haru and Makoto came in, tightly gripping a towel around his waist and his hair dripping wet. “Oh, you’re out early, Haru-chan!”

Haru shrugged in reponse. “Nagisa, stay over tonight.”

“Yaaay, a sleepover at Haru-chan’s!” he shouted with joy, pumping a fist in the air. “Oh, but Rei-chan already went ahead. Should I call him?”

“No need,” Haru replied, shaking his head.

“But isn’t Mako-chan coming, too?” Nagisa wondered, knitting his brows in confusion.

“Ah, no, I’ve got stuff to do at home...” Makoto added, smiling apologetically.

“Oooohhh, then I get to have Haru-chan all to myself? Sweet!” Nagisa grinned, clearly overjoyed at the thought.

“I’ll take a quick shower and then we can go,” he said, already taking off towards the cubicles.

“Okay! Don’t take too long making out with Mako-chan in the shower!”

* * *

“So, what’re we gonna do?” Nagisa posed the question as they were taking off their shoes in the entranceway.

“Make dinner. Take a bubble bath. Watch a sea life documentary. Our usual.” Haru quickly listed off the evening plans. They did have sleepovers with just the two of them sometimes. Though it was usually Nagisa begging Haru to let him stay over.

“What kind of mackerel dish are we making this time?” Nagisa asked without missing a beat as they headed towards the kitchen.

“Broiled.”

“And dessert after?”

“I have some ice-cream in the fridge.”

Making and eating dinner went off without a hitch, with Nagisa talking enough for the both of them. It really did seem like nothing was wrong with him at all.

But Haru knew what he felt in the pool wasn’t just his imagination. So if it’s in the water he feels it, then it’s in the water he’ll ask about it.

* * *

“Nagisa. I can tell.” Haruka said once they had comfortably settled in the bathtub, surrounded by bubbles.

“Tell what?” Nagisa tilted his head to the side in confusion.

“That something is wrong. You feel different in the water.” Haru elaborated, keeping his eyes locked with Nagisa’s.

“You sure it’s me? I mean, it could be any--”

“Yes.” Haru cut him off. “It’s okay, Nagisa. I won’t tell the others if you don’t want me to.”

“...Not even Mako-chan?” Nagisa asked cautiously.

“Not even him. Well, other than that you told me. He knows I felt something, so he’s a little worried now, too. But if you want to keep it a secret from Rei, I will,” Haru reassured him.

“Thank you. Both Rei-chan and Mako-chan would be so, so disappointed and I don’t think I could handle that...” Nagisa trailed off, averting his eyes.

They stayed in complete silence for a good ten minutes. Haru kept his gaze trained on the younger boy. “You won’t let me out until I tell you, huh?”

Haru nodded.

“Then, I guess it’s easier to show you.”

Nagisa slowly rose to his feet, careful not to splash around too much. After taking a deep breath, he pulled down his jammers to just barely expose his waist on the right.

Three scars in the shape of an X were etched into his skin. The coagulated blood was already gone, only the pinkish lines remaining.

“Isn’t it pretty, Haru-chan? Three neat little X’s.” Nagisa remarked, his lips curling into a twisted smile as he brushed over the scars with his finger.

Haru stared at the marks, eyes going wide in shock. “...Why?”

Nagisa pulled his jammers back up and settled down in the bathtub again, pulling up his knees.

“Because... I was frustrated. I’m trying _so hard_ to study more, but I just. Can’t concentrate enough. Rei-chan’s been really helpful, which makes me feel all the worse that I’m not improving. And this, this is a reminder and a... punishment for that, I guess. That I have to do better.” He kept his head lowered as he spoke, avoiding eye contact with Haru.

“So... the chlorine in the pool water stung it?” Haru didn’t know what to say to Nagisa’s feelings.

“Yeah, a little. I think it actually helped it heal faster. Maybe I should’ve always done it on weekdays instead of weekends,” Nagisa blabbered on, then suddenly his head snapped up. “Wait, no! I mean, I haven’t been doing it for that long or that often... just... sometimes...”

“Don’t do it anymore,” Haru said softly.

“It’s fine, Haru-chan. I’m really careful. I properly disinfect everything, you know. And I don’t go that deep with the cut, just so that it stings a little, and the bleeding stops quickly.” Nagisa spoke in an eerily calm and matter-of-fact tone.

“No,” Haru shook his head, scouring his brain for the right words to say. “You’re trying the best you can. You don’t... have to punish yourself for it.”

“That’s the point, Haru-chan! I’m not trying hard enough,” Nagisa objected, raising his voice.

“You are. It’s like swimming. It takes a little longer to see the effects of practice,” Haru explained. “Does... what you do... help in any way at all?”

“It does, actually,” Nagisa retorted, sticking his tongue out. “It makes the frustration go away for a while.”

Haru frowned. He didn’t like this. Even though Nagisa seemed so unbothered by it. This can’t be right. Nagisa’s so... pure. Those scars have no place on his waist.

“Nagisa, please. Don’t do it anymore,” he pleaded. “There have to be other ways to ease your frustration. Next time, call me instead.”

Nagisa puffed his cheeks out. “I’ll consider it. I don’t really get why you’re making such a big deal out of this, though.”

“Because, you shouldn’t be hurting yourself. For any reason,” Haru said with a stern tone.

Nagisa rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

Haru didn’t know what else he could do. Sure, he’d gotten to the bottom of the mystery, but that was all. He couldn’t solve Nagisa’s problem for him.

“Let’s get out,” Haru said soon after. He didn’t feel like soaking in the bath anymore.

* * *

After they got dried off and Haru gave a change of clothes to Nagisa, they rearranged the furniture in the living room and piled up a few spare futons to create optimal movie-watching conditions.

Haru grabbed the remote and laid down. He turned on the TV and flipped to the animal channel that usually aired sea life documentaries at this time.

“Can I...?” Nagisa began to say, shyly looking at Haru as he started to settle down on the bedding.

“Yeah, come here,” he said with a soft smile.

A wide grin graced Nagisa’s lips as he scurried over to snuggle up to his friend. Haru wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close. Nagisa’s head was a comfortable weight on his chest. Nagisa had told him before that listening to Rei’s heartbeat did wonders for relaxing him. Haru was hoping his heartbeat could do that, too. He placed a kiss on top of Nagisa’s head and lowered his arm so that his hand rested on Nagisa’s waist, right where the scars were.

“Wouldn’t Mako-chan get mad?”

“Would Rei?”

“No, probably not.”

They’re a team: they’re all important each other. And Nagisa has always been like a little brother to him. Indulging in his need for affection is the least he could do for the boy.

* * *

“Haru-chan... thank you,” Nagisa mumbled, already half-asleep, just after Haru had turned off the TV at the end of the documentary.

“Mm, it was nothing,” Haru whispered back.

It wasn’t long before sleep overtook them both, still snuggled in each other’s embrace.

**Author's Note:**

> please don't follow nagisa's example.  
> but if you do, make sure you do so cleanly & safely.  
> tbh i just wanted to write nagiharu cuddles but apparently i couldn't do that without hurting my sunshine child???


End file.
